Tips for caregivers who feel the crunch
When you’re caring for a parent with memory loss, the emotional struggle is very real. Of course, you want to give this family member the best possible care, locate the best doctors and research the best treatments. But what if you also have a spouse, children and co-workers who need your time and attention too?
“Being a caregiver – to someone who has dementia or another illness – is extremely time-consuming, even life-changing,” says Denise Butler, MA, CSA, geriatric assessment coordinator with Riverside Health. “As time goes on, the patient needs more and more attention. And naturally, caregivers feel stressed – sandwiched between two generations of families who need them.”
According to the Alzheimer’s Association, nearly 25 percent of the people who care for loved ones with dementia and Alzheimer’s are “sandwich generation” caregivers — caring for both someone with the disease and for children or grandchildren.
No doubt, living in the sandwich generation is challenging. Here are a few ideas to help manage your caregiving and family responsibilities effectively.
Talk with your spouse and children. Your loved one who needs care is their family member too. So be candid. Explain to your spouse and children how their loved one’s memory and behavior are changing. And help them understand the demands that you’re facing as this person’s caregiver.
Reassure your family of your love. Set aside time each day to talk with your spouse and children. If you have to be away from home for a great length of time, make sure to talk, text or video chat via Skype or FaceTime frequently. Tell them that their needs are important too. Whenever possible, arrange for someone else to care for your loved one with memory loss so that you can attend your children’s activities, drive an occasional carpool, help with school projects or enjoy a dinner date.
Enlist the help of your spouse and children. Talk with your family members about pitching in with chores, laundry and cooking in your home. Assign a few age-appropriate chores to your little ones too. Depending on the situation, your spouse and family members can help you care for your loved one. The Alzheimer’s Association offers these ideas to involve younger family members:
- Bake cookies together.
- Color pictures or play a game.
- Take a walk around the neighborhood.
- Eat a picnic lunch.
- Read a favorite book together or watch reruns of old TV shows.
Talk with your employer. Of course, your job is important too. Most caregivers need to earn a living and contribute to their own household income. AARP, formerly known as the American Association for Retired Persons, says make it clear that you want to contribute and remain a valued employee. Many companies offer flexible schedules or telecommuting options that allow you to be productive at work while balancing caregiver responsibilities at home. Find out how many work hours are required to keep your insurance benefits. And ask about family leave, in case you need to use this option in the future.
Get organized. If you have adult siblings, hold a family meeting and discuss how you can share caregiving responsibilities, medical appointments, etc. Try to be understanding and patient with each other when you are caregiving with your siblings. Create a schedule so that caregiving tasks do not weigh too heavily on any one person. Make to-do lists and establish a daily routine. With organization and communication, everyone will know what to expect, and you can make sure important tasks are addressed.
Remember your own health. Squeeze in time to be physically active, and eat nutritious foods, even when you’re on the run. The Family Caregiver Alliance recommends looking for simple ways to rejuvenate your spirit and relieve stress – even if it seems impossible at times. Carry a favorite book to read while waiting at medical appointments, listen to podcasts, or plan to take a short walk with a friend. These activities contribute to a sense of well-being – which will help you balance the many demands on your time.
Accept that you can’t do it all. At times, to balance your family responsibilities, you might need to say “yes” to offers of help from friends and relatives. Or, you may need to seek outside support. It’s very important for caregivers to take breaks every now and then. The Riverside Memory Care Program offers an online guide to care resources. You can manage daily tasks with the help of adult day programs, in-home assistance, nurse companions, and meal delivery services.
For advice on caring for someone with memory loss or dementia, contact the Riverside Center for Excellence in Aging and Lifelong Health or call 757-220-4751.
